Holly's Notes and Condition

June 21st - BC Support Group Meeting Tonight

I am looking forward to going to my BC Support Group Meeting tonight. I have to pick up more of Dr Curcio's cards, as I have told (3) young women - 'Teresa', 'Elizabeth' and 'Michelle', about the meeting and gave them Dr Curcio's appointment cards with the info: www.mybreastcarespecialist.com .

One of the Ladies in the group, last month had given voice to something I have been feeling for awhile: 'that while she hadn't gone through as much as some, she had gone through more than others, with her breast cancer - and she was STILL going through it.' And that is one of the strengths I draw from going to this particular support group: that of giving value to each person's experience - feelings are shown respect, its not a competition for 'worst' experience and thereby negating others' experiences. Recently, in particular, I've experienced that 'dismissive' feeling - comments like, 'Oh, its like my neighbor down the street, but he had it so much worse - you're so lucky! You're doing so good.' And they go away, firm in the belief that they have just done me a great service, put it in perspective for me, as it were. Its really another way of saying, "If you're still under treatment and you've still got cancer- it must be bad and I don't know how to deal with that and it makes me feel afraid and uncomfortable." So unless you are that 'neighbor down the street who had it so much worse' - maybe it would just be better to listen and if you can't do that, please don't be 'dismissive' because it negates me and its not particularly helpful. (And to those that 'had it so much worse' - thank you for making my way easier, gentler and better understood.)
I know that this has been a long haul and all of us wish it was behind me, done - but I'm not done, yet. I'm just trying to keep moving forward and very much looking forward to having it done and behind me.

So, I'll go re-energize myself with Ladies who have been through and are going through what I am, who laugh and smile and cry and console me - like the one who last month got me laughing and crying at the same time, by suggesting that she wants her 'cancer survivor' discount - like a 'senior citizen' discount - some positive for having survived all this! Oh, yeah! I know what you're thinking: 'Holly - there's that 'still being alive' part that's pretty darn positive!' And you would be right, of course. Hey, even the thought of becoming a 'senior citizen', which is still a handful of years away for me - has a real appeal for me these days and is a worthwhile and sought after goal for me. Right now, I'm holding to the belief that 'Old' is definitely better than 'Dead'. And while you can definitely tell that I have lived by the lines and scars and aches and pains I have - I don't seem to be aging particularly gracefully these days - but I am still living. Even as Dave has been jokingly pointing out, "Wow! You're really damaged goods!"
I'd agree with him - that even being 'damaged', I'm still damn 'good'!!

posted by Holly @ 9:36 AM